so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
