I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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