Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
