My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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