tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize