Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
