the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize