she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
