To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
