We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
