ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
