I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
