Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
