Don't make out with my wife yet
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
