Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
