dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
