so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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