Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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