Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hippo gnu deer
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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