i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
