My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
