I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
