it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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