Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
