in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
