just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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