I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Fuck appropriateness.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
