Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
