Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
