im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I AM VODKA MAN
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
