its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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