well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
