there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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