He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
