you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
