I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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