Where are you?
In a non slutty way
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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