We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
