mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
