No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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