Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
