he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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