my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
