I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
