So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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