so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
