I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
