So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
