Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
third nipple confirmed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So here I am, sexting at work.
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