I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
