do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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