I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
