just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
