I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
