While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
