I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
