You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
