Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
