Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
