halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
