I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
