I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
