exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
