i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
