matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
