My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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