I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize