I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize