you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
