I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
