..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
