So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
