she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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