dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
