Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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