So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
